Pemberton Haunted Acres

Hillbilly Mayhem was definitely my least favorite house. The house itself looked awesome. The characters were great. Every detail was amazing and you got to really appreciate that since they roamed the long line, making it more enjoyable. Everywhere were those really attentive to details features, which made anything less than perfect stand out. They set the bar for themselves so high, but that's not a bad thing in itself.

Hillbillies are such a trite idea; a mixture of Deliverance and "Home" from the X-Files or even that one Torchwood episode, but without the inbreeding. Instead, it appears they became WAY too close to their cattle and in a need to replace beef in their diet, chose...people. I really appreciated skipping the inbreeding. The overwhelming majority of the scares are excellent and the truck was particularly well-done. You hear the truck way before you see it so your mind keeps imagining...what could that sound be?

Two rooms could have been done so much better. There was a laser room which is great because it's so disorienting, but what does it have to do with the story? In the Backwards Bayou, the lazers make us believe we're treading through water. It was absolutely amazing, which made this use more baffling.

Also, the "bladders"...

On one hand, I think they were trying to add to the disorientation, but it was like we suddenly walked into an Escape Room and had to figure our way out? Maybe blood splatter could point our way out? I know when I wanted to take up a character's offer to come into her house, she had to admit that wasn't the right way. I think the bladders also could have been more fun if we were tricked more into believing they were bodies or something.

It's still a very awesome house that's worth the wait. 

Backwoods Bayou was my favorite house. I loved basically all of it, from the traditional general store entrance to the wooden exit chute. It had a much more interesting story; magic, voodoo, inbreeding, and poverty have intersected to create this forgotten backwater community of hopelessness deep in the swamp. They just want to live in peace, but us participants have interrupted their quiet world. No wonder they're trying to scare us off...

Also, I loved this exchange-

Ren: WHY are you laughing?

Me: we just got threatened by a fish person!!

Sandwich of Protection for the win!!

When you're used to places with a captive audience put the least amount of effort into stuff costing 3 or 4 times what it should...

And suddenly, you have restaurant quality items grilled out back so everyone can smell the delicious aroma and baked goods straight from the Amish?

The burgers, chips and drinks are reasonable prices?

*MINDBLOWN*

They just need a chicken or fish alternative as well as vegan or vegetarian.

No, I don't have a photo of the cheeseburger because I was too hungry and it was too damn good!!

It was so much fun!! I kept being surprised how affordable and how much quality you received compared to the parks that charge 3 times as much. The costumes and makeup were amazing as well as the actors having perfect timing. The scares are all new even if you went to the old location and the use of lazers are very innovative! My friends screamed so many times! Go!!!

Just make sure you use PLENTY of bug spray, lol.

Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning

 

Mission Impossible: Final Reckoning marks the end of an era. After nearly 30 years, the franchise starring Tom Cruise has come to an end. Will it be rebooted? Or reimagined in a few years? It’s too early to tell, but the final film leaves some questions.

 

Can a general audience still appreciate old-fashioned action pieces? Films used to be known for their epic battles, lasting twenty minutes or more. Now, it feels a little long. Have our tastes changed? Do we prefer meatier monologues and quiet character moments over stunts? It didn’t help that the fights didn’t seem organic, or not all of them. Instead, it felt like you could set your watch and if there was 10-15 minutes of drama and character development, then there would be a fight coming because the formula necessitates it.

 

Along with the exciting fights hidden among perfunctory pieces, there were some questionable decisions about editing. It’s understandable to remind viewers about previous plot developments and attention spans have decreased, but was it necessary to have a flashback to a scene that happened just five minutes before? It felt like Austin Powers should pop up behind a pillar and it would veer into a comedy. Again, attention spans are shit so major plot points are explained multiple times, but other stuff is just implied and never explained? Of course, it could just be the risks of a franchise milestone like what happened with Avengers: Endgame.

 

The other problem with the Mission: Impossible franchise is the women. The majority of them have been little more than love interests for Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) to be put in peril when stakes need to be raised. At least now there’s Luther (Ving Rhames) and Benji (Simon Pegg) to share in that role. Erika Sloane (Angela Bassett) returns from a previous film and has been upgraded to President of the United States. She does get a few nice moments. Grace (Hayley Atwell) gets to do a couple of things. Paris (Pom Klementieff) is a breath of fresh air; not an Ethan fangirl in any respect and with her own motivation. However, when that motivation is taken away, there’s no payoff or reaction from her character. It doesn’t appear that any of the films pass the Bechdel-Wallace Test.

 

The true villain of Mission Impossible: Final Reckoning is up for debate. Is it our own human hubris? Is it just like Dr. Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park, “Yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should”? The Entity is an Artificial Intellgence program born from a need to build a bigger weapon and be smarter than their enemies; smarter than a human might be capable of. However, the weapon went rogue; using all our traits like mistrust, weapon hording and a need to believe in something greater against us. As the last film from 2023, Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning, proved, A.I. can make for a very hard villain to showcase on screen. Thus, most of the antagonistic behavior comes from Gabriel (Esai Morales). Sadly, a lot of his tricks seem ordained by the script rather than character motivations.

 

Of course, the main selling point for the film is the bombastic, larger than life feel of it all. These are carefully executed stunts with minimal computer-generated effects in far flung locations like South Africa. They aren’t the same on a palm sized device. You can’t experience a whole theatre of people with bated breath while you’re by yourself in a Burger King. Event films are important, but perhaps it’s also time that we demand the writing measure up to the spectacle, too.

The Wedding Banquet (2025)

 

The Wedding Banquet (2025) is like Bill McNeal. Sometimes, films don't have to change the world. They don't have to make us reconsider everything. Not every film can be Sinners. Sometimes, it's enough that they're adequate. 

For one thing, this 2025 remake has improved on the original. The 1993 version was more haphazard. Situations weren't as organic as they are here. In fact, James Schamus, who produced and co-wrote the Ang Lee film, is back with the new director, Andrew Ahn, in the same capacity. One wonders how much were new ideas from Ahn and how much was the chance for Schamus to improve on his mistakes?

Angela Chen (Kelly Marie Tran), Lee (Lily Gladstone), Chris (Bowen Yang), and Min (Han Gi-chang) have all formed a family unit whether they want to admit it or not. Because they've already known each other for years, it creates more well-rounded characters to work with and better drama. Each has their own motivation. Angela has to confront her mother and her fears about being just like her because Lee wants to be a mother. Angela and Lee have even done two rounds of IVF, hoping to have a baby together. Lee's scared for her partner but also worried her body can't have a successful pregnancy. Chris is afraid of commitment or letting people commit to him. Min is scared of being forced back to South Korea; not only away from those he loves but returning to a culture where 77% of those over 50 don't believe homosexuality should be accepted. 

Yes, it's predictable. Characters do things that are aggravating although absolutely true to themselves. There is the obligatory Star Wars joke at Tran's expense. However, it's also cute and their mistakes make us root even more for their small victories. When a film makes you laugh aloud and tear up at least once, that seems adequate to me.